Letter To My New Mom Self

Dear Catherine,

Congratulations, it's a girl! She is finally here. I'm writing this letter to you as she turns thirteen. I have been doing a lot of thinking about what I wish I knew back when she was born. 

June is exam season. Lots of talk on the radio about studying and being prepared. I know you’ve read all the baby books. You've highlighted them, marked pages with post it notes. That's what you do, you really prepare. When your colleague in the office jokingly said “hey Catherine I wonder if the baby has read the books too” I know you thought “what does he know ''. But, you know what Catherine, he was right. 

She isn't doing what the books say she should be doing. Like going for three hours between each breastfeed. More like three minutes. When you put her in the moses basket even if she is fast asleep she wakes up. She wants to be held all the time. You feel like you're getting everything wrong and creating bad habits. But you aren't, she is a perfectly normal newborn!

Your mom told you to contact your local breastfeeding support group while you were pregnant. You thought she was crazy, but she was right. It would have been a good idea. Don't wait too long. Going to the group is going to be one of the best decisions you will ever make. Not only are the breastfeeding councellors there going to support you to breastfeed but you're going to make some lifelong friends. Other breastfeeding women who really get it. Now thirteen years later you are meeting those women for coffee to talk about the girls starting secondary school.

And another good thing about the group, there is a library of books! Written by people who understand how breastfeeding works. They'll help you figure it out, they're not going to have all the answers but you're going to start to feel more confident. 

It is a massive change being home with a baby. I know when you were pregnant you were still doing all the things you have always done. You are never happier than when you had a full time table. Now your home with a new baby and everything has changed. A lot of the time you're going to feel like you are getting nothing done. That the days are rolling one into each other. I'm not going to lie to you, being in the house all day can be boring. This is why meeting other mothers is so important. Try and slow down. It is going to take time, your baby has been a baby for her whole life but you've only been a mom for a few short weeks. 

Embrace the “babymoon”. Those first weeks after your baby is born where you are learning to breastfeed and get to know her. Get a basket together with your phone charger, the remote for the tv, nappies, wipes, muslin cloths and have them to hand wherever you land. There is nothing worse than being stuck under a sleeping baby with the TV remote looking at you from across the room. Stock up on button down pyjamas, some for day and some for night. Great for breastfeeding and when visitors call, it's a good reminder to them that you're still recovering from giving birth. You are going to be happy with that batch cooking you did! 

This baby is going to teach you what you need to know. Watch her and listen to her. One of the biggest things she's going to teach you is you can't make a baby sleep! You are going to chew the ear off an amazing woman at the breastfeeding group called Margo. Every week you will be talking about how your baby doesn't sleep. Margo is going to listen to you and make you a cup of tea. She's not going to tell you what you can do because the reality is there is no magic trick and Margo knows that. Tea and sympathy are golden. I'll let you in on a little secret. You are going to have another baby who is a great sleeper from day one in a couple of years. A child who actually says “I’m tired Mom I'm going up”.

So thirteen years in I can happily tell you that your daughter is one of the best people you are ever going to meet. She still doesn't need a lot of sleep but she is a ferocious reader. You are going to have some great conversations about books you read when you were her age that she is thoroughly enjoying now.  And when you're tired, remind yourself that you are a bit of a night owl too, she didn't lick it off a stone!